Ever since spring break ended, I've been really busy with school activities! I'm running around like a mad woman! There are posters to do for our school's Asian Festival and art pieces to hang up for the Senior Exhibition. I finally finished the big banner and my booth's poster for Asian Fest today, it took a loooooooong time! About five and a half hours to finish the banner and the poster! Tomorrow I'm missing classes to set up for the Senior Exhibition so lucky me! But I'll be busy running up and down the stairs getting materials and running errands for the gallery. I should be done by the end of school, but I then have to run over to help set up for Asian Festival. I'm going to be mad busy tomorrow!

Other than me being unusually busy, my dad ended up in the hospital last night, he has some intestine infection and is running on a high fever. I really hope he feels well soon! I just wish for this week to end!

     Maybe, just maybe people will understand what I have gone through. So many things just pisses me off. All I hear is "Do this!" and "Do that!"; "Finish cleaning your room" or "Shut up!". Everyone is telling me what to do! Why can't I just do things at my own pace? I'm sick and tired of it. Even my little brother is bossing me around and he's seven years younger than me! Everything is out of order in my house. I just wish that someone understands what I go through everyday.  Everything I try to do is to help my family. Occasionally I do rebellious things to piss my parents off, but that's only natural right? 

     What I'm currently going through makes me shake in anger, but also the past that I have lived through. I have gone to school in China and done a remarkable job. But that doesn't change the fact that I have been bullied and pushed around just because I was from America. I would always hear "You're from America, you're suppose to be stupid!" or even "Go cry to your nanny! You're nothing but a piece of trash!". I was very sensitive back then and would cry at any cruel comment. If you think that was the worst, try being sexually harrassed by you're own classmate. That guy, he was the pervert in the class, but when it came to me, he wouldn't stop touching me. "Dude, we're only in 4th grade! We can't have sex! So stop touching me!" I should have said that back then. Then again, I should have been stronger back then. Because I was weak and vulnerable, they picked on me, no one was there to help me. Even when I was alone, I had a friend. He didn't really help me when it came to our classmates taunting, but he was always there to talk to me and make me laugh. He was the only person there to keep me sane. I even went to my grandma and asked her if it was possible for her to thank his parents for looking after me. He was the light that brought me out of the darkness. If I hadn't gone through this experience, I would be a totally different person. If I stayed there, I would also be different. This experience was hard to bear, it gives me nightmares just thinking about it. But the part that makes me feel the worst is how I ran away from it. I never wanted to go back after summer vacation because I was so scared of everyone. In a way, I regret it. 
     
     Just typing all that makes me think how I became different when I was in that harsh environment. I was studious and hard working, a complete opposite of who I am now. I should be grateful for what I currently have and cherish every moment of my life. I always compared my life to the dramas I watched and found out there isn't much difference. Since I have gone through that period of my life I have wondered if I should become a teacher, someone who helps the students when they are in need of help. Not someone who scolds at you because you can't get a problem right or if you have a bad grade.

     I just ranted on my life :D Well hopefully some of you now understand how lucky you are. I'll end it here for today

~月子